Love relationships don’t necessarily have to be difficult, but we sure do a great job making them so. Here are some of the most common issues in relationships.
Personal Misery Disguised as a Relationship Problem
There’s a reason this is the first issue listed. It is the most common of problems related to relationships. You will rarely find a person who’s very happy with themselves and their life having serious relationship problems. It’s to be expected. When you are unfulfilled as a person, you tend to look outside yourself for the culprit. And for most people, that’s their significant other.Useful Questions:
Are you willing to look at your own unhappiness before dissecting the relationship?
Have you noticed that the problems in your relationship seem less significant when you’re feeling good about your life?
What is one thing you could do to feel better about yourself? Read about self esteem.
Using Unhappiness To Motivate Your Partner
We get hurt to try and make our spouses take notice and to get them to change. We get irritated with our children to make them move quicker. We get angry at the sales clerk so they’ll treat us with respect. We get angry at our employees to make them work faster. It’s all an attempt to get others to behave as we want or expect them to.Useful Questions:
When was the last time you were angry at your partner? What did you want them to change?
Do you feel your partner won’t listen to you if you approach them in a good mood?
Do you want to continue to use unhappiness in how you interact with them. Read about happiness.
You Don't Love Me Like I Love You.
Problems can creep in when we start to have thoughts of “do I love him more than he loves me?” We start examining all the things we do for our lover. All the ways we express our love and how much time and energy we’re putting into the relationship. Then we try to figure out if we’re getting “our fair share.” If we perceive a discrepancy in that balance sheet, we start to back away from the relationship. We don't want to love more than they love fear being played for a fool.Useful Questions:
Does loving someone feel good regardless if it’s returned? Is your loving someone conditional on them loving you back? If so, why?
Do you feel loved when your partner isn’t around? If not, why not? Do you accept yourself, appreciate your qualities?
Are you doing things for your lover that you really don't want to do, but feel you need to, to keep their love? Are you doing things for them, expecting something in return? What are you expecting? And have you told them what that is?
Have you talked to your partner about what things cause you to feel loved? (Don’t get caught up in “if they loved me, they’d know”, cause they don’t.)
Not Having Anything In Common Anymore
You love each other and that's why you got together in the first place, but you don't really seem to have much in common anymore. You’re into philosophy and art. They're into sports. You like books and going for walks, and she always wants to go sailing. But you tell yourself that marriage is a sacrifice – a give and take.You’ve been told you should put aside your own interests to make the relationship work. You have to compromise, right? But when you give up what you love for the sake of the relationship, you end up resenting the person and conclude you don't have anything in common. If you had these differences when you fell in love, chances are it's not about having nothing in common, but not having the connection and intimacy you once had.
Useful Questions:
Has the amount of one-on-one time changed since you first met?
Do you still share everything with your partner like you use to?
What would happen if you did what you wanted, and they did what they wanted?
How much time do you have to spend with your lover to feel you have a successful relationship? How did you arrive at that amount? What would it mean if you had separate interests?
Do you see yourself and your partner as two separate people who choose to be together or do you feel some type of obligation?
Do you believe “Love means to sacrifice.”? If so, why?
